Authorization
by Grey Like Stormy Skies
Summary: Sirius had lived with the Potters a total of five days before causing mayhem. 'I want you to know, that is not just shampoo.  And if you cannot respect my shampoo and, therefore, my shiny hair, then I cannot respect you.'  [oneshot]


_**Authorization**_

Sirius had lived with the Potters a total of five days before causing mayhem. James and Lily, a married couple of only three months, would have greatly preferred their friend live elsewhere, but it seemed as though they were his only option.

"And I don't even understand it," Sirius said, unceremoniously throwing his trunk down onto the floor of the guest room that was now his. "After that accident I had in the first muggle flat—you know what I'm talking about, what with that, that _stove_, and how apparently y'aren't allowed to store papers and files from work inside it and then turn the knobs—anyway, it's as if they've all put me on some 'Evil Tenant, Do Not Rent A Flat To' list, and no one in the entire city is willing to take me on!"

James laughed out loud at the frustrated look on his best friend's face, while Lily covered her mouth with her hand and wondered what _exactly_ she had just gotten herself into. By that first night, he'd already made himself quite at home—not that it was that difficult, seeing as he had spent the majority of his time visiting anyway—and seemed to be dedicated to the cause of re-corrupting James.

"You've got him all…house-trained," Sirius said over dinner, frowning at Lily while frequently glancing over at James and speaking as though he wasn't present. "I mean, _honestly_, he set the table tonight! The old James Potter _never_ would have set the table."

"Hey! My mum made me set the table once, remember—" James started, looking indignant at the insinuation that he had become whipped, but he was interrupted by his best friend.

"Yes, and then you charmed all the silverware to start attacking all the diners once the meal started. I don't see any mutinous forks here, Prongs…" Sirius said, smirking at the look on James' face.

By his second day as a member of the household, Sirius had managed to take over the single bathroom with his soaps and shampoo, and already had an impressive collection of personal items spread carelessly around the house.

"Honestly Black, the least you could do is clean up after yourself," Lily said, staring oddly at the blue tee-shirt she had just picked up off the floor. "You haven't even worn this yet!"

"Well, I just wanted to make the place look more like _home_, y'know?" Sirius said, looking up from his spot on the sofa. "I mean, no house is immaculate, Evans."

"Try telling that to my sister," Lily muttered under her breath, before turning and promptly tripping over a stray trainer.

"Sirius, you have exactly _twenty seconds _to remove all this, and then I start hexing!"

By the third day, Lily had already given him a stern warning to never step foot inside of her kitchen unless she was present and gave her permission; according to her, she quite liked her sink and stove, and would prefer to avoid any burnt appliances in the near future.

"For the love of _God_, Sirius, how many times must I tell you, _do not play with the stove_!" Lily cried out, physically shoving Sirius through the doorway and into the sitting room.

"S'not my fault the little knobs make such fun clicking noises," he said shrugging, as Lily let out an exaggerated and irritated sigh before looking to the ceiling.

"God, if you want Sirius Black to live another day, you'll get James back from work _right now_ to deal with him."

By the fourth day, Lily Potter finally understood Sirius' obsession with his hair. Up until this point, she had thought James merely was merely fabricating and embellishing for laughs; but no, the man seemed to love his hair more than anything. While it already looked as though a tornado had hit his room, there was not one _strand_ of hair out of place on his head. It was all thanks to his shampoo, he'd say, a smile on his face; that blue bottle could do wonders, and seemed to be his most prized possession.

Which brings us to the midmorning of his fifth day living with the Potters. Lily had awoken early and, after taking a refreshing shower, had gone down to the kitchen to start getting breakfast. James appeared down the stairs a short while later, yawning and rumpling his messy hair as he collapsed into one of the wooden chairs. Lily had just placed the toast and marmalade on the table when Sirius burst into the room.

"Someone's used my shampoo," he said, his voice low in an accusatory tone as he held up the blue bottle in his left hand. "It's lighter now than it was for my shower yesterday morning," he said, deadly serious.

Lily merely rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the stovetop, where sausages were currently sizzling.

"Hey mate, don't look at me," James said, both hands in the air. "I learned not to touch your shampoo back in Third Year, and haven't dared to even think of it since," he said, his eyes wide. "Besides, I haven't showered yet this morning."

Sirius nodded slowly, as though he was analyzing his best friend's words, checking for any evidence of lies.

"You there! With the shiny hair!"

Lily turned around warily, both eyebrows raised.

"Aha! You responded!"

"Of course I responded Sirius, I'm the only other person in the room."

"That's completely irrelevant," Sirius said, waving the arm still clutching his shampoo. "What's relevant is that you've used my shampoo without authorization!"

"…Authorization? For the love of socks, Sirius, it's just _shampoo_," Lily said, but as her eyes rolled Sirius' narrowed.

"Just shampoo? _Just shampoo_? Prongs, you're my best mate, but I don't think we can live with this anymore," Sirius said, gesturing to Lily with an ugly look on his face.

"Padfoot, this is sorta…her house," James said, looking at his friend. "You don't really have the _authorization_ to kick her out, if you know what I mean."

Sirius growled, before turning back to Lily. "I want you to know," he said, purposely refusing to call the redhead by her name. "That this is _not_ just shampoo. And do you know who'd agree with me? Every other girl back at school, who spent hours of their lives mindlessly staring at how soft and beautiful my hair always was. Even some of the guys, I'd expect. And if you cannot respect my shampoo and, therefore, my shiny hair, then I cannot respect you."

"Sirius, please—" Lily started, but Sirius interrupted.

"No, no. I understand that you are probably jealous—and who could blame you, really, what with that _red_ hair all wavy and such—but that is no excuse, _no excuse_, for stealing and using my shampoo!" Sirius said, glaring at Lily still. "And, furthermore, I'm afraid I won't possibly be able to help around this house until I receive a formal confession and apology from you, preferably in writing."

"This is absurd," Lily said, lifting the sausages onto a platter for the table. "I've got my own shampoo Black, and I don't care how soft and shiny your hair is, I wouldn't use your stupid shampoo if—"

"You're treading in dangerous waters, Evans," Sirius said, shaking his head at her.

James took a sausage and, after blowing on it once, bit into it hungrily. "Thanks Lils, this is excellent," he said after swallowing, and was surprised to find himself on the receiving end of Sirius' glare. "What'd I do? I thought we'd already established that I'm innocent!"

"You're _fraternizing with the enemy!_" Sirius cried out, throwing his arms into the air in frustration.

"The enemy?" Lily said, looking amused. "We'll see how you feel about that once you realize I'm your only food source. And for the last time, Sirius, I did not use your shampoo."

"_Yes you did_, there is significantly less in this bottle than there was yesterday morning!" Sirius cried out, shaking the shampoo in front of her face.

"Hey, Padfoot," James said, halfway through his second bite of sausage. "Didn't you take a shower after we got back from flying last night?"

"Er—" Sirius seemed unable to respond, staring blankly at his friend.

"Hold on a second," Lily said, turning her gaze back to her husband. "Are you telling me this genius over here took a second shower yesterday, _using his shampoo_, and then forgot about it?" she asked, her hands on her hips as she looked back and forth between the two men.

"Erm." A true response was still escaping Sirius, though a tinge of pink was rising to his cheeks.

"Oh, this is just _perfect_," Lily said, throwing her head back and laughing. Once she'd regained her composure, she turned back to Sirius. "Y'know, I don't think I'll _possibly _be able to cook for you until I receive a formal confession and apology from you. Preferably in writing."

On the sixth day of Sirius Black living with the Potters, Lily woke up to a folded piece of parchment by her pillow, sealed with a paw print. It was then that she decided the current living situation was looking up.

* * *

A/N: Out of character and random, I know, so if that's all you've got to say, I already know. I just got the foolish idea in my head and decided to write it down. I'd love if you took another minute to leave a review, I like hearing reactions/thoughts. Thanks 


End file.
